When someone is unkind to you or tries to bully you, it is not about you. Here is what it is really about…
This evening my husband and I walked together. As we passed by one neighbor’s home, his dog started to bark, and he came out and took his dog inside. Of course, he glared hatefully at us as he always does. We are always friendly and help everyone we can; we have helped him in the past. But he is still continually rude to us.
Recently, I shopped at a crowded thrift store. Everything was fifty percent off so people were eager to find what they needed.
I approached a clothing rack and started looking through some pants. When I had been looking for about 30 seconds, a woman stood next to me and began to stare rudely. Respecting her desire to look for what she wanted, I smiled at her and told her I just needed a minute to finish looking. She could not wait. Her rudeness took over, and she startled me by elbowing me in my side–very hard. Of course, she got to look at the clothing because she had rudely pushed me away.
My side hurt, and I thought about how to respond. I just walked away and let her do her thing.
Why did I just walk away from my neighbor who glared
hatefully at us and the woman in the store?
I agree with Paulo Coelho, who said, “How people treat others is a direct reflection of how they feel about themselves.” In other words, how they treated me was not about me at all.
Some people do not love or respect themselves enough to behave kindly toward others. Others may have a chemical disorder or other mental health issues. Whatever the case, this behavior is a coping mechanism for how they feel about themselves and the problems in their lives. It is sad to me that they are the way they are, but it is their problem, not mine. And getting upset about unkind behavior just makes the situation worse.
When you think about unkind behavior, please remember these things.
- People are not mean because they are against you. Their meanness is their way of coping with their lives and how they feel about themselves. They are angry at themselves, not at you.
- Unkind people put up a barrier around themselves to keep others out. They probably believe they are unworthy of love and friendship.
- Your response to unkind behavior does one of two things. It either makes their behavior your problem or lets their unkindness remain their problem.
- These facts also apply to family members and dysfunctional families. If your family is dysfunctional and usually treats you unkindly, please remember that how they treat you is not about you. Look to your family of heart for support instead of your blood family.
Are you ever unkind to others? When you are unkind to others, please take time for self-reflection. Ask yourself some questions. Why am I attacking others? What am I really trying to cope with? What do I need to overcome so I can cope in better ways?
Always remember that when others are unkind to you,
it is not about you!
Parents, teach your children these facts about unkind behavior especially if others are bullying them. It is wise to prevent childhood depression instead of having to help your child cope with it.
Never let the unkindness of another person drag you down!
Let the encouraging words in these near a river posts help you
soar like an eagle above life’s storms.
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