Here is the third step to mend ANY relationship.
In this series of posts, I am explaining how my Grandma taught me to mend ANY relationship. In step one, you have to forgive him for what he did to upset you, then you decide to love him unconditionally, and finally you act on your love. You show him love through your actions and words. In step two, you give up on proving you are right.
Step three to mend ANY relationship is very difficult if you feel the need to control other people. In this step, you give up trying to control the other person.
Adults can control children and pets sometimes, but never other adults. When you try to control another adult, you send him the message that you do not accept him as he is. You are trying to change him.
The fact is that no one can actually control another person’s thoughts or behaviors. He might acquiesce to what you want him to do to get you to stop fussing at him, but his heart will probably become resentful toward you. Once his heart becomes resentful toward you, you cannot have a true loving and positive relationship.
My suggestion is that you replace your desire to control someone else’s behavior with good boundaries. Healthy boundaries are acceptable but controlling someone else is not.
For example, when my husband and I first met, he was a smoker so he agreed to only smoke outside. But the second hand smoke on his clothes, hair, and skin still aggravated my allergies to the point that I became ill with migraine headaches and severe allergy symptoms. My eyes and skin would itch and burn so badly that I took as much Benadryl as possible and went to sleep.
At first I tried begging him to quit smoking. He is a great man and I loved him with all of my heart but his smoking was a stumbling block for me. But all of my begging and pleading did not change his desire to smoke cigarettes and I quit pleading with him. Then I remembered my Grandma’s way of mending relationships and set boundaries. He could smoke (but only outside) and when he returned to the house from smoking, he needed to wash and change his clothes every time.
What changed his desire to smoke cigarettes? Eventually he became tired of my illness and my sleeping so much and quit smoking. He also had a stroke less than 1 month after quadruple by-pass surgery that his smoking may have caused.
Now he has quit smoking and we get along beautifully. Since I set boundaries instead of continuing to plead with him to quit smoking, we still enjoy spending every day together. Had I continued to plead with him to quit smoking, we probably would not be together.
Set boundaries instead of trying to control others and you can accomplish step three and mend any relationship.
Let the encouraging words in these near a river posts help you
soar like an eagle above life’s storms.
Here is step four of this series…
Celebrate love every day of your life…
Are you impatient when you want something?
Have fun at your next gathering or party with these games.
If you enjoyed this post, remember that BJ writes children’s books.
Her encouraging children’s eagle
near a river common core reading book
is available on Amazon.com and Barnesandnoble.com.
Buy BJ’s near a river encouraging eagle reading book
for a child you care about today!